Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
A: Hair transplants.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.
Q: WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
Q: What do blonde virgins eat?
A: Baby food.
Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and her husband?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
A: They both go down easy.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 69.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go
down on you.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.
Who picks it up?
A: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
A: hostage
Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade!
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say no.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: How did the blonde explain how her helicopter crashed?
A: She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.
Q: What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see any!
Q: Which is the similiarity between a woman and a computer?
A: Both can accept a 3.5 inch floppy.
Q: Why do men prefer blondes?
A: Men always like intellectual company.
Q: Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
A: She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought he discovered that
he had a twin sister?
A: She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant blonde and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: Why can't you trust blondes?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "Hey check out the blond over there. I bet she's really hot in bed!" He procedes to go over and makes small talk with her. Before long they both leave for a one nighter. The next day, the second guy goes over to the same blond, pinches her in the rear and were off for a quickie. Fifteen minutes later, the second guy comes back and compares notes with the first guy. The first guy says, "I think my wife is better." The second guys nods his head and says, "Yeh, your wife is better too!"
A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence?" "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it? "The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He says, "$35." Then she said, "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: mm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to blondes here."
The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.
The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.
In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries, exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first of all, that's a microwave..."
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.
The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."
The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"
They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. They released the genie and he told them, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss,concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies....."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know." Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be ok??" "No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady. Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener !
A blonde walked into a hair salon and sat into the barberīs chair. The barber noticed that she had headphones on her head. The barber asked the blonde what kind of haircut she wanted. She didnīt reply, so the barber asked again. Again no reply. Then he was getting very annoyed so he took off her headphones. Suddenly she turned blue and fell on the floor. He checked her pulse and she was dead. He was wondering what was in her headphones so he put them on. He heard: " Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale...
There was this movie that a blonde wanted to see real bad and she left with her ticket in hand to go see it, but I was suprized to see her return home in only 15 minutes. "I thought you really wanted to see that movie, what happened?", I asked. "I did",she said sadly, "but, when I got there I saw a sign that said, under 18 not admitted and I couldn't find 18 people to go see it with me."
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" MAN: "It's 3:15." BLONDE: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe.
A beautiful, voluptuous blonde goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."